Rantings of the disappointed believer

Monday, April 30, 2007

It is that time. Soon I will mark the passing of another year. I will be 38.

I don't think that 38 is all that old. It is not that I am bemoaning the passage of some rite which I have dreaded for many decades. I haven't been around for many decades. I still think of myself as young.

But, let's consider what time it is. What was I doing twenty years ago? What was the big deal in my life a mere two decades in my past? Graduation. From high school. Yep, it's THAT time. Class re-union.

In the past two or three days I have been honored by a couple of very old and dear friends who have called me, just to find out how I am doing (and to find out if I am going to the re-union).

I spent an hour on the phone this evening with a man I haven't heard from in twenty years. I spent probably the same amount of time on the phone with a woman I haven't seen for an equal amount of time. These were wonderful conversations, recounting what happened. I am deeply touched.

I think of these people I went to school with, from time to time. I often wonder how well thier lives have treated them. It is good to catch up with old friends.

Have no illusions here, my friends. I hated high school. Perhaps the only ordeal worse than high school for me was my second marriage. Those of you who knew me during that marriage can relate, but I really am wont to avoid the topic any further. I likely will not attend the re-union. No offense intended toward anyone, it's just that the whole idea makes me edgey. Besides, I am painfully aware that I fare better in smaller groups than in large crowds. Call it agoraphobia.

I spoke of Balder in an earlier posting, and I think of him often. Everyone loves Balder. I just wonder if Balder, like many other gods, might devise some test for a mortal such as me to pass, or fail. I also wonder if I have the ability to pass this test. Aah, such is the plight of the faithful, huh?

Whew. Just a small window into the clockwork of me.

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